[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]
Blonde Girls Are Hazardous To My Health by And the Zombie
The pale figures floated in through the front door of the first of many identical houses on the lane. They adjusted their powered wigs to scratch their heads at the modern marvels in the cozy suburban home.
They found the dependable Father hunched over a desk covered in a flurry of envelopes and bills, and he murmured numbers as he carefully penned dollar signs and signatures.
His daughter sat kicking a table leg while she chewed the end of her pencil. If she didn’t ace the quiz tomorrow, she would never go to an elite college, and never have that lucrative career, and never…
“Wait a minute,” said ghostly Thomas Jefferson. “These people are not pursuing happiness. They’re just evading unhappiness.”
“Close enough,” said phantom Benjamin Franklin, pushing his bifocals higher on his nose.
And then Ben Franklin heard that politicians and religious leaders were claiming, “Our forefathers founded America as a Christian nation!” Franklin looked perplexed, scratched his head, turned to Jefferson and said, “I’m a deist, aka i don’t believe in a personal god. I clearly don’t believe in Christianity.” Jefferson replied, “How could anyone think I wanted America to be a Christian nation? I published a version of the New Testament that removed all of Jesus’ miracles specifically because I believe he was simply human and the miracles were all a lie.”
